I went to the CTMC (Consolidated Troop Medical Center (Clinic?)) this morning to have a doctor look at my skin. Ever since I left for Basic Training, my skin has been taking the brunt of the stress and crazy hormone levels. So, the doctor gave me a really strong benzoyl peroxide wash and a bunch of retin-a and clindamycin creams as well as an oral antibiotic. I’ve got quite the cocktail going, and I really hope it works because, 1. it’s painful, and 2. it’s embarrassing!
Obviously I’m not here to impress anybody, but it’s hard to build inner confidence when your outward appearance makes you feel like crap. Going from long, thick hair with feminine clothes and make-up to short, messy hair and ACUs is a drastic change. I’ve realized lately how much I used to use my hair, clothes, and make-up as a crutch. Since I’ve been here, I’ve had to rely on my other characteristics, like my humor, integrity, and adventurous spirit, in order to build confidence. My new-found confidence is much more permanent than any sort of materialistic front I’ve put on in my “former life”. Still, I find myself trying to convince people (mostly myself) that I AM feminine and that I DO care about my appearance. But as time goes by here, I start to care less about the tangibles, and more about the intangibles. It’s like getting to know yourself all over again – I had to start at the very beginning, the very pit of myself. Now I know that even if my hair falls out and I look like a leper, I still have the ability to survive and thrive in this world.
But enough with the mushy stuff. Tomorrow morning we have our first release run. Basically, they take us to the track (which is a 1-mile track) and they start everybody at the same time. The females have to complete 3 laps in 29:15. Next week, we have to complete 4 laps in 38:00, and the week after that we have to complete 5 laps in 46:15. If you take the time to do the math, you’ll see that our pace gradually gets faster. Yeah, pretty funny, right? Nope. Seriously guys, if I can get through that 5-mile release run with my tendons acting up, I will cry big, happy crocodile tears! You’ll see pictures of me crossing the finish line drenched in sweat and tears. It will be such a wonderful day.
For now though, I just have to get through tomorrow. I’m saving my stress about the 5-mile run for later. I simply don’t have the energy to stress about multiple things at once. Plus, I have to write a 1000-word essay tonight about how the Constitution relates to being an Army officer. Speaking of that, I should probably get started…
